I DIDN’T WANT to know why you left me. Reasons are ephemeral, and it’s the consequences that I’ve been carrying around with me. Like a curse? You often mocked me for being melodramatic. But yes, like a curse. Whatever made you leave is neither here nor there. What I’ve been living with since you left has been a dark figure in my dreams, an angry spectre whenever I feel lonely.

No Jason, I had no desire to find you and hold you accountable or even seek answers for long-ago questions. It’s been unbelievably hard raising two children on my own and yes, I’ve stopped painting. But I feel no resentment for having had to work so hard as a jilted single mother. Our girls, their love and compassion, more than make up for all the night shifts, night schools and poorly paid casual work over the years. It’s the sadness of losing my art that’s remained with me, Jason. Paint brushes feel alien to my fingers, and paints no longer reveal their secret colours.