I WAS HEAD over heels about Steven, and that’s the truth. And having such a spectacular house didn’t hurt either, so far removed from my one-bedroom apartment that it was hard not to show my covetousness for it right from the start and make him run a mile. I had to settle for merely admiring his leadlight bay windows and seven-setting massage showerhead and so on.

‘It’s fantastic to share it with someone who shares my taste,’ he said, which made me hold out a secret hope that pretty soon, inevitably, we’d have the crucial conversation about how it was crazy to be paying two mortgages and how maybe I should move more in there than just my toiletries bag and a spare change of clothes.