MAY 2012: I’m sitting at rehearsal of the Nothing prepared me for this show at La Mama Theatre and mentally I’m listing the occupations of some of the cast on stage: professional biographer, school counsellor, teacher, visual artist, lawyer, police officer, psychologist, writer, student, removalist, art curator and nurse. What do these people all have in common? They have all lost a loved one to suicide and all are involved in this project to help break the silence around this awful topic. The project confirms for me that suicide is not something that only happens to the dysfunctional, the marginalised, the uneducated or lower socio-economic groups but, unfortunately, to anyone.

OCTOBER 1994: MY second daughter is born the day after my eldest brother takes his life. To say that the following days, weeks and months are intense is an understatement. I experience emotions ranging from pure joy through to deep sorrow. Fortunately I bond easily and quickly with my new daughter so that part is joyful; the shock of what my brother had done to himself fills me with disbelieving shock, anger and overwhelming sadness. I feel as though if I try to speak about how I feel that I will dissolve and dissipate and not be able to find my way back to where I am most needed, at home with my children. So in order to survive I remain silent and keep my distress to myself.