My last-ditch attempt

Featured in

  • Published 20110906
  • ISBN: 9781921758225
  • Extent: 264 pp
  • Paperback (234 x 153mm), eBook

MY PSYCHIATRIST IS this pert petite pixie. Excuse me: when I’m manic, and I am manic at the moment, I’m drawn to alliteration like a moth to a flame. Also, to tired analogies. She has a corona of taut blonde curls, perfect teeth, and these clunky brown German-looking Mary Janes that belie her otherwise professional demeanor and let the patient know, let me know, that she engages in hippie activities in her free time: burns sage incense, wears hemp, perhaps dons a patchwork vest. I don’t know why this matters, why she matters at all. Because, despite the fact that I could fold her along her creases, this little doctor of mine, tuck her into a corner of her office behind the red chairs with Nordic names and then take over her life, prescribe my own medications, dictate my own future, I can no longer function as a thinking person on medication.

I will tell you how I came to be medicated, how I came to be unmedicated, and how I came to once again, finally, be medicated. This is my last attempt at writing while medicated: yes, my last attempt to write, because I’m bipolar, and it’s fucking everything up.

Already a subscriber? Sign in here

If you are an educator or student wishing to access content for study purposes please contact us at

Share article

About the author

Rebecca Epstein

Rebecca Epstein is currently working on her second Masters of Fine Arts in creative writing at the University of Iowa in Iowa, USA.She has...

More from this edition

Wild coast

GR OnlineALL THE TIME there was Piha, wonderful, free flying, fresh Piha with its knotty cliffs, black sand, wild beach, the great haunches of Lion...

Staffroom confidential

GR OnlineAT THIRTY-TWO I ran away from school. I left in the middle of second term. Severed all ties. Took my books and my Barbie...

Stay up to date with the latest, news, articles and special offers from Griffith Review.